Remembering

This post is personal, but which ones aren’t? My Dad is the first parent I lost. For me, it is different than loosing a grandparent or other relative I have known. I’m processing the best I can.

My earliest memory I can barely recall about my Dad didn’t even have my Dad in it. I remember playing outside on a wooden fort or tree house type thing that he had built for us. I believe it was me and David playing on it, but I could be wrong. I also remember getting Star Wars and Battlestar Galactica stuff for Christmas, and he was there. Other than that, it is hard to recall anything else prior to my parents splitting.

One thing etched in my mind is going to see The Muppet Movie with our Mom and her boyfriend, who would become our step-dad. I could be wrong on the timeline, but I remember our parents still being together, so I didn’t know what was going on. I bring this up because the other thing burned into my memory is our step-dad tearing apart the fort at someone else’s place and giving it to them for something. Needless to say I was not happy about that.

There was a similar experience with my Dad after their divorce. He went on a date with someone in his truck. I remember going to the drive-in to see a scary movie, or at least maybe it was to me at the time. I think his date may have been a blonde woman, but that is real fuzzy.

My memory is fuzzy on the circumstances, but we (me, David, and Scott) would go to our grandparents house to visit Dad every other weekend. Or something like that. He eventually met and married Jan, and we’d go to their house after that. We also made some new cousins that way. When my Dad and Jan had their first son, Dallas, we didn’t get to see them for a while due to Dallas’ health conditions at birth. I remember going to our grandparents those weekends and just sitting around watching the house they lived in. It was only the corner of the property my grandparents owned, so I would watch to see when they would get home, or at least thought it was them and would call to see if we could come over. Looking back, I get why they didn’t have us dirty ass kids over when they had a newborn with health issues. But once he got past those hurdles, we were able to come over again. We went to our grandparents a lot during that time, which I’m glad we did.

There was one summer where I got to spend a week at Dad and Jan’s. My brother, Dallas, was around toddler age I think. We had fun that week, and I remember feeling really cared for and seen. I didn’t want to leave. I think I spilt or did something by accident on the day I was to go home, and it made me real upset, so I ran off into the room I slept in. Dad came to see what was going on, and I hugged him, crying, and told him I wanted to stay with him. He calmed me down, and took me back to my Mom’s.

When I was in middle school up until I got  job and a car, I remember going with my Dad and step-mom, Jan, to the Kennedale speedway. They worked there on the weekends during racing season. Jan worked concessions, and my Dad worked the pit gate. That job was letting people into pit who were allowed. I remember just standing there with him. Every so often, I would walk around the bleachers and maybe watch the races for a little bit. But I mostly remember standing around. We’d sometimes go walk around the pit after the races were over. I don’t remember when they stopped working there, probably because I had gotten a job and a car and was hanging out with friends instead of family in my high school years.

Prior to moving in with my older brother David in my first apartment, I lived with my Dad and Jan for a month or so. It was nice, and they let me have a room for a small bit. David was losing his job or something after we had been in the apartment for a few months, so I let the girl I was dating at the time talk me into getting my own apartment. I didn’t understand what a lease agreement really meant at the time, so in hindsight that was pretty shitty of me. Dad would always help with moving since he had a truck at the time.

He’s always been there. Whenever I needed help, he would help. Whenever he needed help, I’d help. He’d always think to call me when he had downtime at work, or when he was sitting in his vehicle for whatever reason. He’d always check in. And now, I won’t get those calls. Right now, that hurts.